After an appalling delay of 8 hours on my way back from Brazil – the joys of travelling! -- the airplane was about to land on a rare clear evening, when the realization that of what I had ‘lived for’ these last 6 months, the recording of the nigh-unknown work of a genius of orchestration, Villa-Lobos’ Choros # 11, which I regarded committing ‘to posterity’ almost a mission at this stage of my life, turned out a total failure instead of the triumph I had expected! That most beautiful “gnawing” E minor theme slid into my mind and after only three notes of it, strong emotions took over my being and I sobbed … and sobbed, looking down onto London, my chosen city of residence for the last 30 odd-years, warmly lit-up in a golden-yellow hue, I felt utterly miserable!!

I will herewith try to explain my predicament.

Conductors … and conductors!  

Immediately prior to my trip to São Paulo, I had been booked to play Britten’s joyful Piano Concerto at two concerts of British music with the Warsaw Philharmonic. Discouraged when I was told only a few days before going, that Tod Handley had unfortunately had to cancel those appearances for health reasons – I do hope he’s all better, now -- I honestly felt like pulling out myself (which on their end is what was expected!) but after a few calls to-and-fro between the agents involved, I was told that the replacement found, knew the piece… Humm: that turned out to be a blatant lie from the man (…ager?) who was basically happy to place anybody else from his books, if only “to avoid losing his commission”, and not for what was obviously a good chance for Nicolae Moldoveanu, a most talented Romanian conductor (he has worked in Britain for years without anything close to a title!) to prove his utter professionalism and uncommon ease under pressure by doing repertoire that he knew inside-out: Elgar’s Introduction and Allegro and Walton’s wondrous Belshazzar’s Feast! Having now worked with him, I’m sure that he’d feel at home in any given situation, he’s so relaxed! And how well had he learnt the Britten: no trace of an ego and eager to understand every wish of mine, we had two great performances! He was amazing and I can tell you that like an Emperor, he all but ‘conquered’ Warsaw!

“Congrats, ‘Nicolaeski’ you are brilliant; I really wish you the career you so merit!”

Consider that as deserving a conductor as that, he hasn’t got another concert in his diary (no so-called manager in-sight, to witness his success and guarantee at least, a well-deserved return visit to Poland); now compare him to the guy I next had to work with, a social-outcast really, in what was the worst experience I ever had in my professional life, and in my home country too! Already last year I had to swallow my pride, not to walk out during a week of very hard work, when his obvious frustration translated into aggression all round (read ‘November’); the three performances which ensued had at best brought me very little musical satisfaction! Is this cretin’s total, crushing power going to last forever? Of course, whatever else I might say here will sound ugly and plain vindictive. But my shock remains that behaviour as humiliating and humanly degrading as his, is tolerated!

“Guys, do something about it, it’s your life; and like that annoying commercial by L’Oréal: he’s not worth it!” 

The irony of Life.

Unfortunately I will have to distance myself emotionally and musically from this recording, were it ever to see daylight: it is in no way even close to what I set out to accomplish. Had I had a caring musician to interact with or a ‘normal’ human-being, integrated in life as we know it in this Earth of ours; or had he bothered to better prepare, it would have been a different story. How could I pour out my soul with an enemy on the podium? Can anyone perform under such circumstances? No way: I am still stunned from it all! And it hurts even more, because I cared so much!

Credit where it’s due though to the two brilliant young producers from BIS: “Thanks Martin and Marion, without your support, I’d never have got through!”

Ps: Ironic or what? I also recorded solo, Choros # 5, alias Alma Brasileira! What a relief: not all was lost!